I have somewhat of a problem and I would love your opinion on my situation. We have been here for almost a month now and my roommate already believes she wants to transfer to another school. She says she is not only homesick, but she also is not having fun at SMU. I know I am a bit homesick, but I am making the best of my situation. I somewhat feel responsible that she is not having fun, because I am her roommate. But I believe that I have tried everything.
In my opinion, SMU has been a lot of fun for me because I love going out and meeting new people. But, my roommate does not like going out. She said she does not like “standing in the crowded fraternity hallways” or “the smell of the bars”. My roommate does not drink alcohol, and I don’t think that someone has to drink to have fun. But whenever we went out, I could tell that she felt uncomfortable when people would offer her drinks. She seems like the girl that does not like to go out, so I knew I didn’t want to pressure her. Instead of having fun going out, I knew that I had to try something else.
I thought that we could go out to dinner somewhere nice, instead of the routinely trip to Umphree Lee. But she always seems to make excuses such as, “I have too much homework” or “I can’t find a restaurant that I want to go to”. I feel responsible that she is not having fun, so I thought we could see a movie. We watched TV for a while, but I knew that the movie would sometime be over and I would be stuck back in the same situation.
I talked to her about it and asked her if I could do anything to make her feel less homesick. She gave me no feedback. I thought that instead of getting involved in the social scene, she should get involved in the programs SMU offers. She applied for a community service chair through the school and did not get it. I encourage her to still try to get involved, but I think her confidence dropped after she did not get other position.
I don’t want her to transfer because I know it will slowly get better for her. I try to include her in everything I do, but we prefer to things differently. I know that once she joins a sorority she can get involved and make a lot of friends. Until then, I don’t know how I can help her. I believe I have tried all I can do. Maybe I have not. Any suggestions?
4 comments:
I think sometimes, as much as you may want to help, there is nothing that can be done. Although I'm sure you want your roommate to stay and have a good time at SMU, if she is really having that bad of a time maybe transferring is the best thing for her. One of my good friends went through a similar situation, and although she tried to stick it out, she realized that after she transferred she was much happier. I personally love SMU but that doesn't mean it's for everyone.
Goose, the best advise i can give is don't spend too much time worrying about your roommate! Yeah, I completely understand why you feel party responsible for making sure that she is having a good time, but when it comes down to it, she is ultimately the only one that can change her feelings about SMU. I think you have gone out of your way to see to it that she is having fun and adjusting to this new lifestyle, so props to you, just don't let it get you down when she doesn't respond how you'd like!
Your in a tough situation and it seems as if you genuinely are concerned for your roommate. However, like Chelsea, I think there is only so much you can do. You seem like your doing a good job of trying to help her find ways to get out and experience things on campus, which makes me think this must just be something she work through for herself. Luckily, I could not ask for a better roommate and we are in the same social circle, so I haven't had to worry about a situation like this and it seems like it would be really hard! Just continue to be a friend but this might just be something only she can fix.
Goose, I know how you may be feeling about the situation. My roommate felt the exact same way the first few weeks we were here and all she spoke about was transferring. I tried my best to encourage her to get out of the room and meet new people and do fun things like go to new places for dinner and the movies but nothing seemed to work. If anything her mood about SMU was hurting me as far as getting to know people. Eventually I let it go and decided there wasn't much I could do and chose to focus on having fun for myself. Now she loves SMU and I guess following my lead and seeing how much fun I was having encouraged her. Maybe thats something you could try too?
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